You really coming over, don't trick.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
