Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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