the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
