What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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