i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
