I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
