So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
