Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
