Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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