he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
