I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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