I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
