I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
