omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
