Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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