i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
