I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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