I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
