We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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