we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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