oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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