and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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