I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
