Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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