Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
