You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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