Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
