remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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