I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
birth control should be required to get into college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
