The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
