You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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