I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
