Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
