If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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