i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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