1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Randomize
