Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
