we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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