I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
