so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
