apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
