smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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