i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
