If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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