Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
