my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
