We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
