just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
