If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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