i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
